Change & Loss in International Schools
Living abroad can be both exhilarating and exhausting, and those who work or study in international schools often find themselves facing a continuous cycle of change and loss. In August there is a flurry of new faces, some incredibly excitable, some massively overwhelmed and others whose sadness from their loss of home drips from them like water, pooling around their feet. Students and staff wonder who are their people – who amongst these newbies will be their friends this year? Maybe they even signed up to be buddies keen to replace the friends they lost last year and are striving for connection.
Then just as the term starts to settle talk begins of contract renewals – who is up for renewal this year? Whispers about who is leaving and about who should probably leave as they clearly hate it but yet are still there year after year, hanging on for the cash while making themselves and all around them miserable…
By early term two, bang in the midst of newbie homesickness, the rumours start flying about who is going and where. We learn that that one family who has kept us sane for the past few years is moving to Europe to be closer to family or the colleague that keeps the department together is heading ‘off to new adventures and we wonder how we will cope without them.
The constant pinging of Whatsapp group expat sales groups between April and June provide the soundtrack to remind you that people are moving on. As the leavers panic about selling everything, the sadness sets in for those left behind.
The stayers start to try and make new friends with other stayers while their houses get fuller with reminders that the only constant in this life is change. The blender from the science teacher, a random assortment of cups to give to your new buddy, some awful picture that your friend clearly bought while drunk in Bali; houses haunted by the appliances of expats past.
And after the goodbye parties and half-hearted promises to always keep in touch you move onto the summer holidays before the rollercoaster starts again.
This cycle can feel overwhelming and often new staff are not prepared for the rollercoaster. This is why a robust transitions programme for both new students and staff is so important. Just making people aware of the cycle can help them prepare for it and understand why things seem so hard sometimes. 'Old' staff can get a bit jaded and may get to the point where they give up trying to make friends with new staff - losing so many people you care about can make them reluctant to try again, which in turn may lead to mental health problems such as depression. Acknowledging these difficulties and providing times for staff to come together can help to build connections.
If you or any of your staff are struggling and would like some support please reach out.
